What I Want To Say...

List up to ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any ‘comment speculation’ ...
Here are mine:

1) I am so proud of you. You don't think I see all the progress you've made but I have! Kudos to you on learning to speak your truth. I know sometimes we bounce off each other, but I will always accept you for who you are, just as you accept me. I accept your choices, your life, your emotions, your issues with body image, your crazy barking alien doggies, the way you run your life and your business. I think you're the epitome of truth and beauty both inside and out. You're who we all want to be if we really just let ourselves. I am lucky we found each other somehow. You're very see through--and I mean this in the BEST way! :)

2) Please let me protect you more and stop trying to grow so fast and so far away from me; I miss the child you were two years ago.

3) Please let me be who I am and respect me/love me for the powerful, spiritual, creative person I am. I know you don't understand the way I think, the way I dress, the way I furnish my house even... Think outside of the box that's around your own head and pull apart the wall around your heart that blocks me from you. Please allow me room to mess up; I like to mess up every now and then. When I write, sing, cry or take photos, don't criticize or ignore my creation(s), but point them out for their significance and value. Tell me how you see me as a person, not as who you want me to be. Then and only then can we be on the same team. Oh...and don't laugh at my couch. By the way, I want to see some happiness in your eyes like I did when we were teenagers.

4) Know that I love you for who you are, but I think that the expectations I put on you in your new role as _____ in the past four years has caused me utter disappointment. But that's my fault for having those expectations in the first place. I need to let you be in that role as you choose to be in it. But know that two small ones will one day ask who you are and will want to know you more..as you're ready I'd like to ask you if you'd let them know you as you have allowed me to know you, if you'll let them touch your soul as you've allowed me. They're worth it, and so are you.

5) I miss you so much. I cry alone before I sleep almost every single night when I think of you (I don't tell people this but it's true). I selfishly speak of you in the present tense, as if you were still here. I have to catch myself and say "He WAS a good person" and not "He is a good person". And when I catch myself doing that my heart catches in my throat and then I cry inside, and sometimes outside, too.

6) Wow what can I say to you? I helped you with the most important decision of your life and then it backfired in your face. While I know it was all meant to happen for some reason unbeknownst to us, my heart breaks for you during this transition. I know it will all change for the better and that the person who hurt you will actually regret it and come back, but until then I feel so damned responsible. I am so sorry....

7) Ok my girl, you're my sister even though we don't really look alike at all. Thank you for hearing my words and not what you want to hear but REALLY what I am saying to you. Thank you for just being you. Thank you for making me smile all the time. He doesn't know what he's missing yet, but one day he will, and when he does, I will LAUGH MY FREAKING ASS OFF when he tries to get you back and you have Mr. Right and your wedding invites sent off! It's been a long journey for both of us and I am happy to call you my friend. Hey, come kill my spiders for me. Everything is bigger in Texas, and you have the biggest heart around, so I guess Texas is finally the place for you! I love you!!! I saw a lady the other day in Wal-Mart who had a bird's nest on her head and I thought of your old boss...

8) You sat by my side from all the way across the world. You listening to my crying and dried my tears as bombs went off around you. You made me salivate when you talked about fresh fruit and made me laugh when you talked about that one pair of jeans that fall just a certain way on your man's caboose. I knew what jeans you were talking about, because I pointed them out the very first time I talked to you and YOU LAUGHED so hard; and that's when you knew I could understand you. You are one of only two people that I let hear or see my cry. I am not a good enough friend for you, but I am so grateful. I don't return your calls, not because I don't want to, but because your number is saved inside an AOL Folder somewhere and I keep forgetting it. And that truly is the reason. You never judge me, or the people I love, and you let me hear you cry, too! You understand my need for Brit Rock and crazy music. You don't criticize me for my glam rock days or for traveling all the way to So Cal just to see Robert Smith in his grungy lipstick. You think I am beautiful even when I was crying so hard I puked for three hours. You're the epitome of unconditional love and friendship. Thank you.

9) I dream of what you will look like when you arrive into this world. You want to know something funny that I will always remember? This is how I thought of you and decided for sure about your name: I was driving around looking for some coffee and found this wonderful place I had never seen before. I went inside and ordered a drink. This beautiful, young, doe- eyed, wise-beyond-his-years college boy walked out with his hair in his face and a smile in his eyes. He took my order...he smiled just to be smiling. He smiled just because life was good and it was a beautiful day. The smile oozed from every portion of his being and he was the epitome of who I know in my soul that you will be when you're his age. And I thought to myself, "Your name is Eli", which so happened to be the name on this angel's name tag. I can't wait to meet you. Every time you kick and move I feel so much joy to know you're alive and well. We're waiting; once you're done growing please do come join us....

10) Your heart is so full of compassion for everyone around you. I look forward to the day when you recognize that you also need some compassion and support. I miss you like mad. When I think of walk-through kitchens in small town restaurants, the pickled jar, smiling babies and Bjork, I think of you. Thanks for opening my eyes to what is already there in front of me. Thanks for seeing when I cannot. Thanks for reminding me of the simple things. You are the person I see as completely spiritually naive, beautiful in mind, body and spirit, and unadulterated by this cynical society. You remind me of who the person inside of me who wants to come out. Find you--again. You need this time to do this right now....

Ok I just have to add more!

11) Ok I know you don't trust me right now and I don't know why. I called you once at home to help out with something (for a session) and someone walked in your door. You never called me back; I worry about you. I'm worried now. Maybe you're working with jaguar woman again to help. Are you ok? Love you like a spiritual sister. I am not like other people in this world; I am not after all your hard earned cash, not out to con you or lie to you; just here to help.

12) We were once best friends but other people in our lives always break us apart. Someone once did this on my end and now someone is doing this on yours. When you're done fighting for your life inside of your heart, I will be here as your friend. Miss you ...miss your sarcasm and who you are....miss you letting yourself laugh.

13) We shared so many hard times in both our lives for a few years; I am eternally grateful to you from both the business perspective and the friendship perspective, too! Thanks for just being you; for being trustworthy, for being loving and kind. Thanks for always telling me the truth even when I ran from you because of it. Even though I still dance around the truth as you told it back then, you and I both know it's still there and the issues themselves are still there.