Goodbye 2005, Hello 2006

While 2005 was not the biggest year of my life, it was not a complete and utter disaster. Amongst the many rewards, there were just as many setbacks. It feels as if all balanced itself out in the end, setting me up for a happier and more productive life in 2006. Here are some memories I want to share about 2005 and my hopes for 2006:

2005 In Retrospect:

1) Aidan was born in July. Yes I know I know that was 2004, but it still feels like yesterday. After a quick and deliberate c-section, little Aidan arrived into this world at 8 lb. and 11 ounces and 20 inches, wide eyed and full of vocalizations. I've had the wonderful opportunity to watch him blossom into his own little individualized self. He's full of love, hugs, passion and zest.

2) Little Cole went to school: Cole goes to preschool full-time now and enjoys almost every minute of it. Some tears glistened in my eyes as I recall the moment I watched him walk to the car with that humungous backpack stuffed full of toys, books and his lunch. He stopped and smiled, then gave a wave and a high five to his Dad as they drove off to school. I've had the pleasure of watching him learn to jump into adult conversations with more finesse than some political figures even (no offense to George Bush meant).

3) I recovered fully from most health ailments. After the struggle of my life with Acute Myeloid Leukemia, I am now fully on track (well, almost). In 2006 I plan to be more committal regarding doctors visits, checkups and labwork. Time has not permitted such an option lately, but it WILL occur.

4) We left Nevada with a sigh of relief and a few tears: Leaving Nevada felt like it was the biggest challenge and also a huge financial relief. As condo and home prices continue to soar and the market rises while Californians flee their state to come overwhelm what once was my state, I am glad we're done with Nevada. I miss Cheryl, Melissa, Donna and a few well intentioned friends. But it was a huge hole in my pocketbook the entire year round.

5) For the first time EVER, I did not end up being chased by the taxman: This year I was savvy enough to record all expenses and didn't end up paying a dime! YAY! Don't worry, 2006 is going to bite me hard!

6) Two good clients became close friends. I lost their business but gained such wonderful friendships that I didn't regret the transition. These two acquaintances shall never "be forgotten." I welcome Cheryl and Alex into my life with love and gratitude.

7) The camera and me formed an even closer bond: It was a beautiful love affair that still continue to this very day. With camera in hand, I am finding so many new and wonderful ways to view the beauty of childhood, relationships, animals, nature and the entire world as I see it.

8) I learned the value of keeping my mouth shut! There were so many opportunities for me to get all pissed off and then to verbally go off on family members, friend, colleagues and coworkers. I started out the year with pissed off emails and affronts, but ended the year with a firm respect for living my own life regardless of others' opinions.

9) I learned the value of just being me. Despite the fact that I did not wish to confront people any further when they gossiped, outright LIED, denied their lies and then went to hide from me, I learned that it's ok for people not to like me. I joined a new playgroup this year and although I enjoyed all the members of the group, I was completely disliked and debunked by the group from the get-go. Was I disappointed? Yes. Was I completely and utterly pissed off and ruling out any future friends from new playgroups? No. I just dusted myself off after the rejection, reminded myself that everything happens for a reason, and moved myself right along.

10) I left behind all yahoo groups, chatrooms and useless online activities. I put so much time into meeting potential friends and business opportunities for myself and my children, that I had stopped putting time into my marriage and family. This stopped as soon as I learned what I was doing. The Internet can easily suck us in and help us forget about real life. The value of a good old fashioned handshake was once taken for granted by me: not anymore.

11) I learned respect for my culture. I spent my entire life running from who I was and from all aspects of being "Southern." Finally, after much deliberation, I let it set in. I didn't lose my intelligence in doing so, as I had feared. I've spent my life avoiding ignorance, rednecks and other aberrations of the South that I had forgotten the true dignity it takes to maintain traditions, morals and true Southern class. I have learned much from family here in this regard and won't forget the lessons even when we move this summer.

12) I lost my biggest supporter in life and one of my dearest friends, Dad. Christmas without him was the most difficult and painful one, yet. Every holiday, birthday or celebrated event is harder without his big, goofy self around to help remind me of the joys of laughter and what a constant sense of emotional support he was. As selfish as it is, I want him back. But I know he is looking down at us with pride and love. I know he is happier and healthier wherever he is.

All in all, 2005 was a year of renewed love, growth, difficult transitions, respect for friendship, respect for self and hard lessons learned all over again. I bid 2005 adios with great fervidity and look forward to 2006 with more nuggets of strength attached to my belt and more love to weather whatever storms await me.

In 2006, I look forward to: getting out of debt once and for all, home ownership, bringing the photography business into full fruition, moving once again to what I hope will be our final stop for at least a few years (Utah), watching my children grow into their adorable little personalities, acquiring new friends and leaving the past where it lies without regret or heartache, remembering my Dad but acquiring a newly found sense of peace about his passing, growing even closer to my husband, and exploring a whole new world of opportunities all over again.

Good-bye 2005...you won't be missed. Hello 2006....I won't be a sitting duck for you this year. I will manifest my own path regardless of what you hold for me.

Peace,
Pamela