Bugs, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Mood: frustrated
Thought: Oh good Lord what is WRONG with these people?
Song: Goodbye Caroline, by Aimee Mann



This morning, I had a near headbutting with a dear friend and client of mine. We all have issues..not a single of of us can say that there isn't something about a friend, co-worker or family member that would not make us want to slap them silly. I've overlooked my friend's antics ever since we met. She has some very big habits that I can definitely look past (although most people would not). For example, she is overly critical of her friends. If for any reason they don't do things exactly her way she is whining that they are "inconsiderate" or "selfish" friends. For anonymity purposes, we'll call my client "Mary" and we will call her friend, "Nicole". Mary invites Nicole over to her house for a week. Nicole is not the best housekeeper. She leaves dishes in the sink, for one. Secondly, when she makes coffee she leaves the french press full and on the counter all day...leaving the coffee grounds all over the kitchen counter. Was this rude on Nicole's part? Yes and no.

I call this "differences in lifestyle". Mary may be used to cleaning her house and living a very clean lifestyle. Nicole is not. When Nicole is home, she does not tend to her house. She may have maids, etc..or maybe she just lives like a pig. Should she be expected to change that just when she is staying in Mary's house? Mary, mind you, is a completely anally retentive super-woman who likes her house perfect. The point here is, Mary becomes completely pissed off at Nicole because of her sloppy and "inconsiderate ways", but she did not mind bending Nicole's ear until 3am regarding her failing relationship and how her life is so unfair.

Mary bends my ear about once a month, too, discussing how unfair things are for her since she is not with her man, and was not able to be with the man prior to him, and how life has dealt her so many bad cards. I am a counselor. Twice a month Mary has appointments with me regarding this. But the other two times, Mary is calling me as a friend, on my time and my dime. I listen, give advice, provide free services for HOURS, without complaint.

So it really confuses me when Mary picks me apart for the unintentional things I do that hurt her feelings; things that are a minor infraction for most people. Example, I sometimes forget to return her emails. And boy does she let me know I forgot about it. The times I forgot to email were during high stress periods of my life (childbirth, cancer, my dad's death and a hurricane). I forget Mary's birthday (no she has never remembered mine). I send audacious emails (forwards that I find amusing but she does not due to her general stuffiness).

For example, just the other day I sent Mary a forward that was so cute. The email was poking fun of computer mouse's via an animation of other animals. A rabbit and a guinea pig were trying to get online and couldn't figure out how so they had a live mouse and trying to get online via "clicking on him". The rabbit had his paw on the mouse and would press on his back. It was not working so the guinea pig said, "try dragging it", so he slid the mouse across the floor with his paw. That didn't work so the guinea pig said, "Oh! I know! We need to plug it in!", lifting the mouse by his tail. The mouse said, "Don't even think about it".

It was just a funny animation...I didn't mean anything by sending it, other than to make her laugh. I had forgotten that she adopts these huge animal rights laws. Mary, the girl who sweeps spiders up in her hands when she finds them and gentle carts them out the door without hurting them, was offended by my animated email. Her response was "Not funny. Don't send me anything at all about animals." I, however, am the type who loves to pet animals, but doesn't want them in my house or home. And if a spider crosses my turf, he's one dead spider (I'm terrified of them). I don't want his creepy, hair spider legs on my naked skin in bed while I sleep...so..out with Mr. Spider.

So my point in all this boring diatribe is that I am tired of friends who are annoying. I need to clean house...SOON. I don't have too many friends left to discard...but those "acquaintances" and clients of mine who generally love to consume my time with very little respect to who I am or what I am going through, here's a heads up: You're about to get dumped like yesterday's garbage. I am tired of people who:

1) Take without giving;
2) Call me and blab about their own problems for hours, but aren't there to pick up the phone and don't return my call when I need a friend in return;
3) Bitch and complain about silly offenses when I have unintentionally hurt them;
4) Are anally retentive about their house or mine;
5) Try to discipline my children;
6) Allow their children to act like little shits around my children or in public;
7) Gossip about me behind my back; or
8) Lie to me outright.

I deal with a lot people...but come on, there is only so much I can take here! If you fit into any of the above mentioned categories please just pop yourself in the head for me to spare me the trouble, and then don't expect your phone to ring with me on the other line anymore.

Over and out,
Pamela