Giving Thanks

Mood: Reflective,
Slightly Anxious
Thought: Why does today feel like Monday?
Song: Martha's Foolish Ginger (Tori Amos)


For the first Thanksgiving ever in my life, I was able to go and ENJOY the company, meals and reminiscing. I didn't think about who said what to whom, who was just backstabbing the very same person they were hugging less than 14 hours ago, who was really not welcome but showed up anyway, who thinks we don't take our kids to the doctors enough, who thinks we foolishly spend our money, who is mad at me because her husband is selfish and young, etc. etc. It wasn't because those thoughts did not cross my mind, it was just because I didn't care enough to allow them to ruin my day, my meal, my mood, my time off. I rarely get time off of work, and I enjoyed it. I didn't worry about the phone ringing and interrupting my meal, my conversation, my bath, my time with my babies. For TWO WHOLE DAYS I was able to wake up, cook breakfast for the babies, play with them...you know, go through the whole routine and ENJOY it. Normally I don't get time with my kids. They're home, but my phone is too busy ringing and the computer is too busy with clients who want my time. The moment I get involved with the babies, there's an interruption from one of my two businesses.

But...not today, and not yesterday. For two whole days I enjoyed myself and enjoyed the babies. I pondered over teething remedies with Huey and Granny, played with Stanley's dog, partied with my niece and her friends, got to know Ryan's girlfriend a good bit better, joked with Lisa over the fact that she finally bought some real sugar to serve with the coffee she made for us (normally she uses Spenda or Sweet'N'Low), took pictures of Richard swinging little Cole on Granny's swingset, played with the cats, sat on the floor with Aidan so I could teach him how to spin a top for the first time, talked to Sue about how advanced her little grandson is for his young age of three, laughed at little Kade for chasing Aidan around so he could hug him to pieces, enjoyed pecan pie, and so on and so on.


Thanksgiving this year, brought up all sorts of memories of childhood for me. It brought up the same lingering smells of baking cornbread in the kitchen, fresh pecan pie on top of the oven waiting to be devoured, turkey and dressing (and me picking out the onions one by one from the dressing), all the men congregated in the living room hovering around the television during the football game while the women were gathered around in the kitchen with the kids, laughing and sharing stories of their kids and grandkids.

I dropped the fears of my bills, the fresh speeding ticket waiting to be paid at home in my desk, the car insurance being late, that one client from two months ago who still owes me two hundred bucks....and I enjoyed being thankful. Thankful for the smiles on Aidan's cute little face when he saw Stanley's dog and exclaimed, "CAT!" in his highest pitched baby voice (indeed the little thing DOES look like a cat). Thankful for Cole's empathic ability to want to kiss everyone he sees, thankful for having a family with whom to share this special day, thankful for my capability to bring in as much money as I want (even if the bills eat it all up). Thankful for friends, family, clients, food, shelter...thankful for all the signs, smells, thoughts and feelings of LIFE as I know it.

Thankfully,
Pamela