Reflections of Last Year

Reflections on The Year of My Buddha Belly


Did any of you ever have those moments when you peer back in time to determine "when" and at what precise moment you conceived a child? Ok, so maybe this is a mental state of delirium that I alone contain. "Hmmm...I wonder if it was just any other regular night? What DID we do that night and where....why is it all such a distant memory...certainly it could not have been over thirty days ago. Was it on vacation?...was it (gasp) at his Mom's house?!!! Oh thank heavens not."

Unlike others' husbands, who jumped up and down uncontrollably, cried, or laughed hyserically until they cried, mine did no such thing. My sweet, and loving, but completely-doubled-over-with-shock dear husband did not cry, smile, laugh, sing joyous praises, or even hug me. He said, "Oh ok" and walked over and turned on a portion of the playoff games. This reminds me, all of you wives with football-loving partners, men are entrenched in football; it captivates their entire BEING. A earthquake measuring 9 on the Richter Scale could occur during the playoffs in football, and they would remain on the couch, with beer in hand through the entirity of the catastrophe, and as long as the tv does not move from their view, would not even notice. That is how I felt when I broke the news to DH. And then I secretly went into the bathroom and cried, tears of joy, fear, love and excitement rolled down my face.

I remember my first ultrasound. I heard the heartbeat, and I thought it was the beating of the heart of the Universe inside me; it was the strongest, most special moment ever in my life. As I reflect upon that year, here are the strongest memories that stand out in my heart and mind:

Most Memorable Song of 2004: At My Most Beautiful, R.E.M. It is always nice of R.E.M. to remind us of how beautiful and special we are, and how beautiful and special life is. My favorite line is, "At my most beautiful, I count your eyelashes secretly, and with every one whisper I love you, I let you sleep. I know you're closed eye watching me, listening...I thought I saw a smile." My husband and I began dating at one of the hardest stages of my life, and he helped me remember how beautiful I am. This song is a wonderful symbol of our relationship, and it also reminds me of how he even thought I was beautiful throughout my pregnancy with little Aidan..Buddha belly and all.

The Best Food of 2004: Subway's Seafood and Crab on Wheat sandwiches. The food of every year is normally sushi. I don't think I have ever gone for 9 long months without consuming raw fish...but this time I had to. This sandwich reminds me of the best of the tuna salad sandwich, except with a classier meat combo.

Most Embarrassing Moment of 2004: My Mother Was Thinner than Me. Oh good Lord what was the world coming to when my Mom became hotter than me? Ahh the perils of pregnancy. ...

Most Anticipated Moment of 2004: It's a what? I swore up and down to everyone and their mother that I would have a girl this time. NOT. My husband and I even bet some pretty serious money on this, which I never paid. But I have learned over the course of 3 and a half beautiful years of motherhood with my two small boys, that girls in the hands of the very tom-boyish DivineDimension, would be a tragedy. Thank God for little boys. :) I love how they eat dirt, get dirty from head to toe, and even manage to get dirt between their cute tiny little toes.
"Look again", I pleaded with the doctor. "Pam...it has a penis. It's NOT a girl."

My Mother's Most Memorable Quote of 2004: "Ummm..you ARE?!?!" And then five months later, "Well..your ASS is still tiny." (I believe her intent was to imply that nothing else of my body was tiny, so she had to find SOMETHING to compliment me about).

Most Flabbergasting Food Craving: Sardines with Mustard. Alllllrighty then!

Best Baby Name Suggestion: Allister. Oh I loveeeeeee British baby names. Adorable. Too bad I'm Irish, so I chose Aidan instead. :)

Worst Baby Name Suggestion: Frankie. Do you think I want my son wondering why he has a girl's name? Such gender confusion in today's names.

Best "Going Into Labor" Moment for Pamela: "Fuck the fucking camera and get your ass in this damned car, NOWWW Goddamit!!!!" ...which was shortly followed by my husband begging a very surprised Wal-Mart store clerk to help him find the best camera pronto. The clerk said "I'm on break", which as all of you know is a standard line at Wal-Mart when clerks refuse to do their jobs. My husband said, "Well I need this now, break or no break. My wife is in the car in labor!"

Worst Comment by a Complete Stranger "During" The Pregnancy: "Wow, when are the twins due?"

Worst Comment "After" the Pregnancy: "Sooo..when are you due?"