Things That Annoy Me

1. Members Only Jackets: It's OVER people. Move on.
2. Dog bigots: You can't have a dog over twenty-five pounds in any hotel, apartment complex, airline...ANYWHERE. Friggin non-animal loving bigots. Can't stand it!
3. Anally- retentive landlords: "Don't walk too roughly on this soft wood on the deck. It's pine and it is easily damaged."
"Careful when you have company...they may spill some food on the deck or something."
"Make sure you keep the mats down on the deck. It protects the soft wood."
"Oh you are bringing in a dog? That's breaking the lease."
"Oh no, we would not want you to bring in another cat...that's cutting into your deposit money right there."
"Oh the dishwasher is not working. Well....you do need to rinse the dishes off before you put them in the dishwasher, otherwise that will happen."
And so on and so on. People rent houses and apartments so they can LIVE IN THEM, not tiptoe around. Get a life, people!
4. Teething Babies: Stop biting my finger, my wrist, my elbow, and OMG did you just try to bite your own TOE?!?! Gross!
5. People who try to pick me up online: Don't you have enough balls to pick up REAL women and in person? Get out of the house and into the real world, losers!
6. Online Internet Affairs: I will use a conversation between myself and a client of mine, who will remain anonymous for the sake of client confidentiality.
Client: "I know I have only been speaking with him for three months..but we love each other. He is talking about marriage, kids, and what type of home we will build together. He just treats me so well."
Me: "I am so happy for you. What's he like?"
Client: "He is sooo sweet and loving. He treats me like a princess. But I am not sure what he looks like, yet. I have only seen pictures."
Me: "Excuse me? You have not SEEN him?"
Client: "Yes, I know...I know this sounds absurd since this relationship is only online, but I know he will be the same in person..I just know it."
Me: "OK, so when will you meet and make this happen?"
Client: "Oh, well...umm..we were supposed to meet last week, but he had a meeting at work. And then we rescheduled to this week, but his wife had something planned. So now we are waiting till next month."
Me: "What what whaaaaat??? He has a wife???"
Client: "Yes, but they are not happy. And he LOVES me. He is going to get a divorce soon."
Me: "When is he divorcing?"
Client: "Oh...ya know..when he is more ready...soon though."
You get my drift. Please, people. It's one thing if you are meeting, and due to long distance reasons, can't see each other often, but it's quite another thing if you have never even met. Please make relationships real by keepin it real and meeting IN PERSON before exchanging "I Love You's" and other things that should only be based in reality.
7. Mothers who are obsessed with their first baby's first EVERYTHING from talking to poop: I know I know..I do it, too, and I annoy MYSELF with it. No one wants to hear about how your baby poops lima beans whole. Please get some form of a life. Otherwise, your baby will grow up, but you will still be singing songs from Sesame Street and Elmo's World in your head, over and over, until you slowly lose all portions of reality, and your mind.
8. Jehovah's Witnesses: I don't have time. You guys are sweet and loving, and I am sure Jesus appreciates it. But I just don't have the time. Please go away.
9. Mormons: Refer to number 8 above. But not only that, but please note that I will never convert. Not now, not ever, not over my cold cadaver, at which point I will be in hell and you won't have to worry about me perverting your world with my evil blogs and Non-Mormon ways.
10. Stay At Home Moms: Ohh I can see that I will get a lot of bad comments on my blog with this one. But allow me to explain my point. I have the deepest of respect for you..I really do. However, I am not in your same boat, and many of you tend to THINK I am. I am a "Work At Home" Mom, which is totally different. I do all that you do AND I have to work, from my home. I spend my days avoiding salesmen, Mormons, my family, and all of you Stay At Home Moms, who thinks I have nothing better to do than "chat." I love this quote I heard from an ex-boss not long ago. "Oh call Pamela to help you. She is at home with the babies and probably doesn't have anything else to do." Thanks a lot, but no thanks. I clean baby poo and ease teething pain all day, along with being the main income provider AND trying to raise very easily bored children, keep up with the laundry, bills, grocery shopping, and pediatrician visits...all while WORKING. So please don't lump me into your, "I'm sooo bored so let me focus on my baby's poo" category.
11. Politically Focused Blogs: It's great you have an opinion. I do want to hear it. However, when you make this the main or only focus of your blog, you deprive me of all the other potentially brilliant ideas going on in your head. If I want an all-political day, I will have reruns of CNN taped and played over and over until I become the drone that you have become.